Well, I did not manage to wrestle Owen into a much-needed nap today. I was too tired myself! But I managed to be successful in confining him to the bed for the duration of his naptime. That is, if perching on the tiny rail of a toddler bed and jumping down onto the mattress repeatedly can be considered 'in' the bed. (Instead of doing chores like I really need to be, I am quite entertained by the video feed.) Here's a condensation of a lengthy monologue from a few minutes ago (in a very chipper tone):
Don't touch dat!
No, no, no!
Don't do dat!
Dat's a no!
No, no!
Doing bad fings, doing good fings!
Don't disobey mommy!
Dat's a bad fing to do!
No, no, no!
Try to obey!
Time out!
Disobeying is not obeying!
Can you tell what there's been a lot of around here lately? Mostly revolving around brother-interaction angst :} He's actually been doing a little better lately, and it's been a combo of more consistent calm teaching/consequences and less anger from me. It stinks that I can let myself get soooo angry and in a rut of frustration with him that only exacerbates his naughtiness. But on the other hand I have to say he can really delight in setting himself up as an adversary. No doubt more self-controlled mommying could alleviate this tendency, but once pushed past my patience limit it is hard to find a road out!!! Better to expect less and get in fights less? Or expect what seems appropriate and have more battles that don't always seem to help? Do I care too much?! I really like being a mom, but it is not an easy job, at least around here :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Speech
For about the last week, I've been telling Reuel very sheepishly that I *thiiiink* Asher might be saying his first words. But then my better judgment would kick in and I was pretty sure I was just imagining it. Today, it was absolutely undeniable!! I can confidently say he's said his first words. What a surprise! He is so completely physical and active, and you know what 'they' say...more physical boys often put speech on the back-burner for a while. Also, I hear that 2nd boys don't speak very soon. Well, Asher beat Owen! Owen's first word was right at a year, and Asher's is now just shy of 11 months. (Of course, maybe I know what I'm looking for a little better this time.) Enough prelude...after I picked Asher up from his high chair and he put his right arm up in the air, waved his little hand, looked me in the eye and very clearly said, 'Ah-duh!' That's half of the sign language for 'all done'. And those are exactly the sounds I've been suspecting he's been working on. Now, something's a bit fishy. Aren't two-syllable and two-word sounds not until around 2yrs?! I wonder if this is really speech, or just pure mimicry (what's the difference at this age?). Anyway, I'm 100% sure that's what he said. So we'll see if it's a one-sound wonder, or if he keeps at it with other words too.
Asher's brain must be doing a little development-explosion this week. He is CRAZY!! He is into absolutely everything, pulling down anything he can touch, crawling around unstoppably, I can barely physically pin him down to change his diaper (the last one's nothing new, but it's especially bad this week). He will not stay seated in the bath, is pulling up trying to stand up, then slipping, I'm trying to hold him and wash him and he's sliding all over the place and flailing because he wants to stand up. Today in the bath with Owen, Asher got his first experience of a bubble bath. He was so intrigued by this weird stuff that he just kept bending forward at the waist and sticking his whole face into the bubbles/water and coming up covered. Owen was in stitches and kept saying, 'Asher, you have a bubble beard!' Asher spent the whole bath dipping his face, I was shocked he didn't suck water into his nose. He has gotten quite a sense of humor and Owen's daily antics also get him belly-giggling all the time. Owen and Asher reminded me of Deb and I once this week because they both got laughing so hard they could hardly stop and were panting after their little laughing attack. One of the things that gets him going is holding a penny-whistle type toy and putting it into Owen's mouth to blow it. Then mine, then daddy's. He really gets the giggles over that. Also this week Asher is balancing on his feet a lot before dropping down to his rear. I think maybe all of the week's excitement might be prelude to some first steps. We'll see!
Asher's brain must be doing a little development-explosion this week. He is CRAZY!! He is into absolutely everything, pulling down anything he can touch, crawling around unstoppably, I can barely physically pin him down to change his diaper (the last one's nothing new, but it's especially bad this week). He will not stay seated in the bath, is pulling up trying to stand up, then slipping, I'm trying to hold him and wash him and he's sliding all over the place and flailing because he wants to stand up. Today in the bath with Owen, Asher got his first experience of a bubble bath. He was so intrigued by this weird stuff that he just kept bending forward at the waist and sticking his whole face into the bubbles/water and coming up covered. Owen was in stitches and kept saying, 'Asher, you have a bubble beard!' Asher spent the whole bath dipping his face, I was shocked he didn't suck water into his nose. He has gotten quite a sense of humor and Owen's daily antics also get him belly-giggling all the time. Owen and Asher reminded me of Deb and I once this week because they both got laughing so hard they could hardly stop and were panting after their little laughing attack. One of the things that gets him going is holding a penny-whistle type toy and putting it into Owen's mouth to blow it. Then mine, then daddy's. He really gets the giggles over that. Also this week Asher is balancing on his feet a lot before dropping down to his rear. I think maybe all of the week's excitement might be prelude to some first steps. We'll see!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
update
Oh, where to start?!
Asher:
Crazy man! Loud, fast, physical and very social! I'm not sure he's a baby anymore! He crawls like lightning, pulls up on everything, stands by himself for a few seconds at a time, and giggles and squeals with delight if he can 'run around' with other kids. He thinks he's one of the big boys and will crawl around with a group of much older boys running around, squealing and yelling just like they are. He doesn't have the foggiest notion that he's not quite one of them :) He LOVES to eat. He LOVES Owen. He LOVES the little farm animals that Mrs. Anna from church gave him. If he spies one, he will crawl full blast toward it, secure it in his grip and not let go until it is taken away (which often produces a mini-tantrum). He doesn't even let it go when you put food in front of him...he'll just eat with the other hand. Now that's saying something, because Asher has quite an appetite. He never really stops eating, I just cut him off eventually. His absolute favorite food right now is watermelon. I have taken to not giving him any til the end of a meal, otherwise he'll throw a fit to ask for more and not eat anything else on his plate. Blueberries and cherries are close seconds. He also eats everything else well, all veggies, lots of meats. Summer squash is preferred floured and fried to just sauteed :) A Chipotle burrito really hit the spot for him on Father's Day. The only thing he's spit out so far is edamame...too crunchy. He doesn't eat any purees anymore, just a lot of messy self-feeding. He's a great chewer, like his brother before him. He has slimmed out quite a bit compared to previously, but he is still pretty hefty. Considering how much exercise he gets, it's no wonder his portions are usually bigger than mine or Owen's. Nurses 4x per day. Sleeps 2 naps, ~9 and 1 or 9:30 and 1:30 (on a good day ~1.25hr each), usually asleep by 6:30. Up at 5:45. The naps are getting to not be as easy...he'll stay up and play a lot. But he's definitely not ready for just one nap yet. One thing that is so different (and that I love) about Asher is that when it's a sleep time, I hold him on my shoulder and sing Twinkle, Twinkle and as soon as he hears the song he lays his head down on my shoulder and rests there. Owen on the other hand would start *screeching* and arching his back at the same moment. It is a welcome departure from those memories :) Asher followed Reuel up the stairs last week without Reuel realizing it (he left him in the living room and went up to tend to Owen). I was emailing and that's exactly what it sounded like was happening. But instead of checking on the situation I said to myself, 'Well, I know Reuel wouldn't leave Asher unattended downstairs unless he put up the baby gate on his way up, so it must be that he took Asher up with him and I'm hearing things funny because there's a monitor on.' Or something like that. Nope! That was a close call, because while Asher can get up the stairs by himself he often stops and nearly topples backwards while he's looking around. Must have been that since he was chasing Reuel he kept his mind on his target and climbed up safely. Asher really loves being held upside down, it's a little game he plays with me. If I'm sitting on the floor he'll crawl over and press his forehead onto my lap. That's the signal for me to grab him around the tum and flip him upside down, with his back to me. He grins and giggles. I put him down and he presses and presses the forehead until I do it again. And repeat! He has two lower teeth, and two teeth are through the gum on top...but not the two centers! One center, and the one to the side of it. That will look sort of funny! Asher LOVES the stuffed animated pig that my Dad bought for the boys. It is his carseat toy. Rather than cry when he gets in the carseat, if I give him the pig and turn it on he is just mesmerized by it snoring and flicking its ear. He will hold it for the whole car trip. He is very sweet to all the members of the family, Daddy and Owen included. Love, cuddles and kisses for all (Asher kisses us by holding his mouth open and putting the whole slobbery thing on a cheek...leaves his mark). I thought Asher would be much different than Owen about mommy-clinginess and separation anxiety, but no. He auto-wails every time he's set down unless I sit down with him. I figured out that if I sit down with him and then put him on the floor, he won't cry, and then sometimes I can sneak away to actually go to the bathroom or wash a dish. But he is nearly as needy as Owen was. Don't get it!! I feel like a captive. I would just go with it and carry him around in a pack, but he's not happy with that...wants to be playing. He just wants me playing with him At All Times. Tiring!! I challenge it, but also like Owen, that doesn't curb it much. The pediatrician says this is the effect of breastfeeding. Really?
Asher and Owen:
Can you say sibling rivalry?? Ouch! It's very real. I spend most of the day policing older brother and preventing younger brother from inadvertently provoking older brother. Sometimes I think the neural pathway in my brain that fires when I say, 'Time Out! It is not appropriate to ______ your brother! Go sit on the stairs!' may become so well-worn that I will give a time out to an adult when frustrated, without thinking. Some days it is nothing but sweet affection between those two, and some days I really think if Asher ended up unconscious and injured on the floor Owen would react with smug satisfaction, it can be that bad. It seems apparent that there really is a natural drive to wrestle. I am a girl with only a sister. It is all so completely weird to me!
Owen:
Wow! 3 is as new, fun and frustrating as 1 and 2 were. We are having great times together, and awful ones. Discipline is a constant topic of conversation between Reuel and I. We don't feel we have the handle on Owen that will be best for him in life. We're working on it, but he's still tough for us to figure, just like always! Spankings are no magic cure...many times they set his teeth ever harder. (One wonders if the spanking wasn't hard enough...nope, that's not it!) Other things, like separating him from us, are effective, but we need to get a lock for his door to really enforce it as consistently as is needed. Does this sound awful? Well, sometimes it is. On the other hand, this kid is awesome. He is so amazing verbal and the thoughts and ideas that come out of him on a daily basis...well, I feel that I have a companion in a 3 year old in some ways! We talk about everything and he asks about EVERYTHING. He's at the stage of reminding me how things work and what to do and not to do in the house...send the police and arrest me if I do something out of routine!! He still loves his bike, going to the park, reading books, all the normal stuff. Loves cooking with me. LOVES any 'project' that's new. Loves cleaning with me and will still wrestle me for the vacuum. Still runs for his earmuffs anytime something is loud :) Suddenly, to our surprise, he is a social creature. Instead of the previous, NO, NO, NO! when told friends are coming, he waits by the door and asks me every 3 microseconds if they're here yet. He loves going to playdates and seeing kids and friends at church. What a welcome development! He plays fairly well with other kids in terms of sharing (for the most part), which tells me he knows what he's doing with Asher. He is a very bossy playmate (surprise!). He is so eager for his friends to have fun that he tries to force them to do what he considers fun. We're working on that :) It is cute though. So many other fun Owen details that I have missed lately. We were trying to teach social graces for a while. Now, he asks about 15 times a day, 'Mommy, how was your day?' It is his default sentence. He gets very excited if he gets Asher to do a sign, or gets him to come over to him, or do anything he says...that puts him on cloud nine. He's a running, jumping, climbing maniac...typical boy. He can help himself with almost any of our normal house tasks, but actually asks permission most of the time...which I find shocking, but awesome! Eating, pretty good. Light on vegetables. Sleeping, often naps 2 hrs now, and to bed 7-8pm. Also awesome. He does SO much better with a good nap. Crazy that it took til after 3 to get there. At 2.5 he wasn't napping AT ALL! Now, 2 hrs. All a matter of will on his part.
Well, this was a hasty stream of consciousness and a lot of nuts and bolts for my memory. More actual interesting anecdotes another time!
Asher:
Crazy man! Loud, fast, physical and very social! I'm not sure he's a baby anymore! He crawls like lightning, pulls up on everything, stands by himself for a few seconds at a time, and giggles and squeals with delight if he can 'run around' with other kids. He thinks he's one of the big boys and will crawl around with a group of much older boys running around, squealing and yelling just like they are. He doesn't have the foggiest notion that he's not quite one of them :) He LOVES to eat. He LOVES Owen. He LOVES the little farm animals that Mrs. Anna from church gave him. If he spies one, he will crawl full blast toward it, secure it in his grip and not let go until it is taken away (which often produces a mini-tantrum). He doesn't even let it go when you put food in front of him...he'll just eat with the other hand. Now that's saying something, because Asher has quite an appetite. He never really stops eating, I just cut him off eventually. His absolute favorite food right now is watermelon. I have taken to not giving him any til the end of a meal, otherwise he'll throw a fit to ask for more and not eat anything else on his plate. Blueberries and cherries are close seconds. He also eats everything else well, all veggies, lots of meats. Summer squash is preferred floured and fried to just sauteed :) A Chipotle burrito really hit the spot for him on Father's Day. The only thing he's spit out so far is edamame...too crunchy. He doesn't eat any purees anymore, just a lot of messy self-feeding. He's a great chewer, like his brother before him. He has slimmed out quite a bit compared to previously, but he is still pretty hefty. Considering how much exercise he gets, it's no wonder his portions are usually bigger than mine or Owen's. Nurses 4x per day. Sleeps 2 naps, ~9 and 1 or 9:30 and 1:30 (on a good day ~1.25hr each), usually asleep by 6:30. Up at 5:45. The naps are getting to not be as easy...he'll stay up and play a lot. But he's definitely not ready for just one nap yet. One thing that is so different (and that I love) about Asher is that when it's a sleep time, I hold him on my shoulder and sing Twinkle, Twinkle and as soon as he hears the song he lays his head down on my shoulder and rests there. Owen on the other hand would start *screeching* and arching his back at the same moment. It is a welcome departure from those memories :) Asher followed Reuel up the stairs last week without Reuel realizing it (he left him in the living room and went up to tend to Owen). I was emailing and that's exactly what it sounded like was happening. But instead of checking on the situation I said to myself, 'Well, I know Reuel wouldn't leave Asher unattended downstairs unless he put up the baby gate on his way up, so it must be that he took Asher up with him and I'm hearing things funny because there's a monitor on.' Or something like that. Nope! That was a close call, because while Asher can get up the stairs by himself he often stops and nearly topples backwards while he's looking around. Must have been that since he was chasing Reuel he kept his mind on his target and climbed up safely. Asher really loves being held upside down, it's a little game he plays with me. If I'm sitting on the floor he'll crawl over and press his forehead onto my lap. That's the signal for me to grab him around the tum and flip him upside down, with his back to me. He grins and giggles. I put him down and he presses and presses the forehead until I do it again. And repeat! He has two lower teeth, and two teeth are through the gum on top...but not the two centers! One center, and the one to the side of it. That will look sort of funny! Asher LOVES the stuffed animated pig that my Dad bought for the boys. It is his carseat toy. Rather than cry when he gets in the carseat, if I give him the pig and turn it on he is just mesmerized by it snoring and flicking its ear. He will hold it for the whole car trip. He is very sweet to all the members of the family, Daddy and Owen included. Love, cuddles and kisses for all (Asher kisses us by holding his mouth open and putting the whole slobbery thing on a cheek...leaves his mark). I thought Asher would be much different than Owen about mommy-clinginess and separation anxiety, but no. He auto-wails every time he's set down unless I sit down with him. I figured out that if I sit down with him and then put him on the floor, he won't cry, and then sometimes I can sneak away to actually go to the bathroom or wash a dish. But he is nearly as needy as Owen was. Don't get it!! I feel like a captive. I would just go with it and carry him around in a pack, but he's not happy with that...wants to be playing. He just wants me playing with him At All Times. Tiring!! I challenge it, but also like Owen, that doesn't curb it much. The pediatrician says this is the effect of breastfeeding. Really?
Asher and Owen:
Can you say sibling rivalry?? Ouch! It's very real. I spend most of the day policing older brother and preventing younger brother from inadvertently provoking older brother. Sometimes I think the neural pathway in my brain that fires when I say, 'Time Out! It is not appropriate to ______ your brother! Go sit on the stairs!' may become so well-worn that I will give a time out to an adult when frustrated, without thinking. Some days it is nothing but sweet affection between those two, and some days I really think if Asher ended up unconscious and injured on the floor Owen would react with smug satisfaction, it can be that bad. It seems apparent that there really is a natural drive to wrestle. I am a girl with only a sister. It is all so completely weird to me!
Owen:
Wow! 3 is as new, fun and frustrating as 1 and 2 were. We are having great times together, and awful ones. Discipline is a constant topic of conversation between Reuel and I. We don't feel we have the handle on Owen that will be best for him in life. We're working on it, but he's still tough for us to figure, just like always! Spankings are no magic cure...many times they set his teeth ever harder. (One wonders if the spanking wasn't hard enough...nope, that's not it!) Other things, like separating him from us, are effective, but we need to get a lock for his door to really enforce it as consistently as is needed. Does this sound awful? Well, sometimes it is. On the other hand, this kid is awesome. He is so amazing verbal and the thoughts and ideas that come out of him on a daily basis...well, I feel that I have a companion in a 3 year old in some ways! We talk about everything and he asks about EVERYTHING. He's at the stage of reminding me how things work and what to do and not to do in the house...send the police and arrest me if I do something out of routine!! He still loves his bike, going to the park, reading books, all the normal stuff. Loves cooking with me. LOVES any 'project' that's new. Loves cleaning with me and will still wrestle me for the vacuum. Still runs for his earmuffs anytime something is loud :) Suddenly, to our surprise, he is a social creature. Instead of the previous, NO, NO, NO! when told friends are coming, he waits by the door and asks me every 3 microseconds if they're here yet. He loves going to playdates and seeing kids and friends at church. What a welcome development! He plays fairly well with other kids in terms of sharing (for the most part), which tells me he knows what he's doing with Asher. He is a very bossy playmate (surprise!). He is so eager for his friends to have fun that he tries to force them to do what he considers fun. We're working on that :) It is cute though. So many other fun Owen details that I have missed lately. We were trying to teach social graces for a while. Now, he asks about 15 times a day, 'Mommy, how was your day?' It is his default sentence. He gets very excited if he gets Asher to do a sign, or gets him to come over to him, or do anything he says...that puts him on cloud nine. He's a running, jumping, climbing maniac...typical boy. He can help himself with almost any of our normal house tasks, but actually asks permission most of the time...which I find shocking, but awesome! Eating, pretty good. Light on vegetables. Sleeping, often naps 2 hrs now, and to bed 7-8pm. Also awesome. He does SO much better with a good nap. Crazy that it took til after 3 to get there. At 2.5 he wasn't napping AT ALL! Now, 2 hrs. All a matter of will on his part.
Well, this was a hasty stream of consciousness and a lot of nuts and bolts for my memory. More actual interesting anecdotes another time!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Ants
Owen, the same child who shrieks in terror if a butterfly flies within 5 feet of him, is now obsessed with ants. We routinely have big black carpenter ants scouting around our house in the summer (they don't like the poison, surprise!). Today I saw him skittering all over the kitchen and could not figure out what he was up to until he ran up to me with an ant trapped between thumb and forefinger. I masked my revulsion and said, 'Wow!' Owen said, 'Mommy, I catched this ant! He was running all around and I chased him and catched him! He likes me. I love him and he loves me and this ant is my friend! Mommy, what is his name? My friend is being very, very, still Mommy. He's not wiggling at all.' Oh dear, I was sure he had squished the ant thoroughly and I was wondering how he was going to react to figuring that out. But the ant perked up and escaped and Owen was just devastated that his friend had gone away. I finally convinced him that ants are very busy with jobs they need to do, and also maybe he needed to go home to take a nap. When Owen woke from his own nap today his first question was, 'Where is my ant? Is he waking up from his nap too? Let's go find him!' We were out of luck for a while, but eventually he spied another one and said, 'There's my friend! He's awake! Let's go get him!' and managed to grab him. I don't know how he does it...takes some fine motor skills! A few minutes later he came up and said that he put his ant down because the ant bit his thumb. Silly me kept trying to convince him that ants don't bite. No really, Owen, they can't bite! Well, there it was, a welt on his thumb and I was proved an idiot. He was completely unperturbed by it, though. I don't think it must have hurt too much. But we've decided that maybe picking up ants isn't the best thing.
Monday, June 14, 2010
3yr. checkup
Owen had his 3 yr. checkup at 8am this morning. Wow am I glad that I took Reuel up on the offer to stay home with Asher. I thought it could work, but it would have been impossible!! Asher is way too wiggly and Owen needed some mommy-support to get through the appointment.
I prepped him quite a bit in advance. We headed into the office with his arms full of stuffed pig from grandpa and his bag of toy doctor tools. I told him that he could listen to Dr. Hoder's heart with his stethoscope, and that seemed to perk him up about the whole affair. The promise of a chocolate donut (with sprinkles of course) if he behaved well had also been spoken, which didn't hurt.
He performed and followed directions just perfectly, and then Mrs. Marie the medical assistant (who Owen loves) told us that there would be no shots! Yippee! Owen was very happy to hear that, as he was aware this could be part of the morning.
He is just over 3 feet, maybe 37 inches (~35%ile), 30.5lbs (25%ile), and ~15.5BMI (25%ile). Relatively, he lost a lot of weight vs. last year, but has kept his length growing the same. Hence, the currently wiry boy who can hardly hold size 3 pants on his waist.
After today, Owen is officially never going to trust me or a doctor again! At the last 2 appointments we've all gone to for Asher, Owen has had to get a shot too, since the flu shots he was overdue on became available. Today, he was told there were no shots, and then, OOPS!! Dr. Hoder decided he needed 2. And his last round of routine bloodwork. Owen was NOT happy, but really he didn't completely freak out like I thought he would and he did OK. I warned him about the shots, and then we got those done. I did not warn him about the bloodwork :} He figured out what was going on as soon as the nurse said, 'Honey, we are going to get some of your muscle juice and send it to Superman to see how strong you are!' Yeah, right. 3 year olds are seriously not that fool-able. But to the nurses' credit, they did their job so quickly he hardly had time to panic, he mostly just looked like a deer in headlights as he watched his blood poured into a vial...I think that kind of creeped him out. He absolutely will not let me take off the gauze and tape on his arm now.
So, we headed over to the donut shop 2 doors down from the doctor's office (on the far side of the Chuck E. Cheese between them...so mean to put a kiddie casino next to a pediatrician's office!!). I paged through the handouts they gave me as we walked. And I quote, "Ideally, by this age she no longer uses eating--or not eating--to demonstrate defiance, nor does she confuse food with love or affection." Oops, probably donut rewards don't help with that one!! So Owen passed with flying colors, but I still have a few things to fix.
I prepped him quite a bit in advance. We headed into the office with his arms full of stuffed pig from grandpa and his bag of toy doctor tools. I told him that he could listen to Dr. Hoder's heart with his stethoscope, and that seemed to perk him up about the whole affair. The promise of a chocolate donut (with sprinkles of course) if he behaved well had also been spoken, which didn't hurt.
He performed and followed directions just perfectly, and then Mrs. Marie the medical assistant (who Owen loves) told us that there would be no shots! Yippee! Owen was very happy to hear that, as he was aware this could be part of the morning.
He is just over 3 feet, maybe 37 inches (~35%ile), 30.5lbs (25%ile), and ~15.5BMI (25%ile). Relatively, he lost a lot of weight vs. last year, but has kept his length growing the same. Hence, the currently wiry boy who can hardly hold size 3 pants on his waist.
After today, Owen is officially never going to trust me or a doctor again! At the last 2 appointments we've all gone to for Asher, Owen has had to get a shot too, since the flu shots he was overdue on became available. Today, he was told there were no shots, and then, OOPS!! Dr. Hoder decided he needed 2. And his last round of routine bloodwork. Owen was NOT happy, but really he didn't completely freak out like I thought he would and he did OK. I warned him about the shots, and then we got those done. I did not warn him about the bloodwork :} He figured out what was going on as soon as the nurse said, 'Honey, we are going to get some of your muscle juice and send it to Superman to see how strong you are!' Yeah, right. 3 year olds are seriously not that fool-able. But to the nurses' credit, they did their job so quickly he hardly had time to panic, he mostly just looked like a deer in headlights as he watched his blood poured into a vial...I think that kind of creeped him out. He absolutely will not let me take off the gauze and tape on his arm now.
So, we headed over to the donut shop 2 doors down from the doctor's office (on the far side of the Chuck E. Cheese between them...so mean to put a kiddie casino next to a pediatrician's office!!). I paged through the handouts they gave me as we walked. And I quote, "Ideally, by this age she no longer uses eating--or not eating--to demonstrate defiance, nor does she confuse food with love or affection." Oops, probably donut rewards don't help with that one!! So Owen passed with flying colors, but I still have a few things to fix.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Home
The kids and I arrived home this afternoon, after 2 weeks in NC. Dad's memorial service went really well (still so weird to type that). The kids have grown and changed quite immensely, and I think I've missed a hundred little stories about them I would have wanted to record...and that is what this blog was intended for...but it just feels wrong to write about little laughs and seem like things are back to normal, because they aren't. We are all doing really well considering, but it is a strange road to be on. I think for a bit of blog closure I will copy what I said at the service, and then eventually get back to the kid moments and save most of the processing for phone calls. :)
It is so strange to be here together without my Dad. Staying for the past week in his home has also been emotional, with everything around us pointing so clearly to the one guy who’s not there. How common death is, but how uncommon to say goodbye to *my* Dad! A friend of mine said it well: ‘Death is conquered, but grief is yet our companion while waiting for the Lord and missing those who have gone ahead.’ We do--and will--miss him so much.
I know my Dad just a little bit, and I know that he wouldn’t have wanted too much attention today. He’d want to know that today’s celebration of his life was primarily pointing our thoughts toward heaven, celebrating Christ and the hope He gives. But we girls in his life were never completely compliant, so I want to tell you about my Dad, just a little bit. Can I share a few memories and stories with you?
I remember as a little one when I got into the parts that came with some appliance my Dad was installing and screwed a nut and washer onto every bolt in the bag—so that he had to unscrew each one in order to use it—and I remember Dad making me feel like a million bucks that I’d helped him out. That little moment was formative for me, and now that I have my own 3 year old, I know how much patience that kind of moment can take.
I remember the look in my Dad’s eye when he was proud of me or Deb. He always let us know, and a normally not-too-emotional guy always made it clear how he felt about us.
I have such a strong memory of my Dad faithfully going to work without complaining, insanely early every morning, to pay the bills, provide for us, complete what was expected of him, and probably more. As I got older I got the distinct impression that there were many days he’d be happier doing anything but his job, but he never complained, and never gave up. Only now do I realize that I never had a moment’s insecurity about being taken care of, because my Dad always put us first.
I remember the day Mom, Deb and I were away at a music camp one summer and Mom was informed over a pay phone in a college dorm hallway that Dad had taken a transfer to South Africa. Talk about proof of the strength of their commitment to each other. Dad got teased about that over the years, but we all later realized that his leadership and willingness to jump in resulted in one of the most significant and fun family experiences and set of memories that we have together.
I remember how the things that excited my Dad most were visiting a friend, making a trip to see one of us, opening his home to others, and giving. He was so quick to step up to a need and to care for a friend. He gave of himself eagerly on many levels. We would sometimes learn from sources other than my parents about their lavish generosity and gift of giving…help with house payments, donated cars and computers, and an always-open home…these were just the tip of the iceberg with my Dad.
I remember the first time I read the set of letters that my Dad wrote home to his family during his time in Vietnam in the Army. I quickly realized how little I really knew about him. Just this week I learned another new thing from my Uncle John…that Dad not only saw combat, but was a forward observer who snuck ahead, scouted out targets, helped direct artillery, and whose life was at especially high risk. Learning this opens my eyes and makes me so grateful for the time we had.
I remember how much my Dad loved us and continued to put us first, even during the last few months while he lived with us in Massachusetts, suffering often silently and not wanting to be a burden, as if he could have been. He would thank us for opening our home, but we were just thankful to have him. What a privilege to care for Dad and just be with him.
I remember that my Dad had a hard time being less than 20-30 minutes early for anything, and that he was absolutely, end-of-story, reliable. He picked up my family from the airport in Boston and drove us home less than an hour before his first seizure just a few weeks ago, and somehow it just doesn’t surprise me…I think he was incapable of missing that appointment! (Sort of a joke, sort of not…)
I remember how *tremendously* Dad wanted to be home. The day he originally thought treatment was done and he was headed home…he was suffering that week, but the excitement peeked through. He wanted to golf. He wanted to spend time with his North Carolina family, and wanted to be of service here at Cross Creek. He thought very highly of this place. Thank you for loving him and welcoming him and my mom when they moved to town and for your wonderful support these past weeks. We are so grateful.
I remember how, from the first day of his diagnosis, Dad wanted to move forward boldly, and without pity. He wanted to let everyone know that his life was in God’s hands, and he wanted to live by faith. What a gift to all of us, to have let us know that he had God’s peace, and to have encouraged our own faith in the process. As always, I feel that he provided for us now by how he handled his journey then. I’m so thankful for God’s work in him.
Finally, I remember that my Dad was not perfect, that we frustrated each other plenty, and each made more than our share of mistakes…I don’t mean to paint a strictly rosy life. But by God’s grace in his life, I must say that my Dad always forgave me in the same way he’d been forgiven, and kept on loving through *my* faults…an example I will continue to learn from for a long time to come.
It is so strange to be here together without my Dad. Staying for the past week in his home has also been emotional, with everything around us pointing so clearly to the one guy who’s not there. How common death is, but how uncommon to say goodbye to *my* Dad! A friend of mine said it well: ‘Death is conquered, but grief is yet our companion while waiting for the Lord and missing those who have gone ahead.’ We do--and will--miss him so much.
I know my Dad just a little bit, and I know that he wouldn’t have wanted too much attention today. He’d want to know that today’s celebration of his life was primarily pointing our thoughts toward heaven, celebrating Christ and the hope He gives. But we girls in his life were never completely compliant, so I want to tell you about my Dad, just a little bit. Can I share a few memories and stories with you?
I remember as a little one when I got into the parts that came with some appliance my Dad was installing and screwed a nut and washer onto every bolt in the bag—so that he had to unscrew each one in order to use it—and I remember Dad making me feel like a million bucks that I’d helped him out. That little moment was formative for me, and now that I have my own 3 year old, I know how much patience that kind of moment can take.
I remember the look in my Dad’s eye when he was proud of me or Deb. He always let us know, and a normally not-too-emotional guy always made it clear how he felt about us.
I have such a strong memory of my Dad faithfully going to work without complaining, insanely early every morning, to pay the bills, provide for us, complete what was expected of him, and probably more. As I got older I got the distinct impression that there were many days he’d be happier doing anything but his job, but he never complained, and never gave up. Only now do I realize that I never had a moment’s insecurity about being taken care of, because my Dad always put us first.
I remember the day Mom, Deb and I were away at a music camp one summer and Mom was informed over a pay phone in a college dorm hallway that Dad had taken a transfer to South Africa. Talk about proof of the strength of their commitment to each other. Dad got teased about that over the years, but we all later realized that his leadership and willingness to jump in resulted in one of the most significant and fun family experiences and set of memories that we have together.
I remember how the things that excited my Dad most were visiting a friend, making a trip to see one of us, opening his home to others, and giving. He was so quick to step up to a need and to care for a friend. He gave of himself eagerly on many levels. We would sometimes learn from sources other than my parents about their lavish generosity and gift of giving…help with house payments, donated cars and computers, and an always-open home…these were just the tip of the iceberg with my Dad.
I remember the first time I read the set of letters that my Dad wrote home to his family during his time in Vietnam in the Army. I quickly realized how little I really knew about him. Just this week I learned another new thing from my Uncle John…that Dad not only saw combat, but was a forward observer who snuck ahead, scouted out targets, helped direct artillery, and whose life was at especially high risk. Learning this opens my eyes and makes me so grateful for the time we had.
I remember how much my Dad loved us and continued to put us first, even during the last few months while he lived with us in Massachusetts, suffering often silently and not wanting to be a burden, as if he could have been. He would thank us for opening our home, but we were just thankful to have him. What a privilege to care for Dad and just be with him.
I remember that my Dad had a hard time being less than 20-30 minutes early for anything, and that he was absolutely, end-of-story, reliable. He picked up my family from the airport in Boston and drove us home less than an hour before his first seizure just a few weeks ago, and somehow it just doesn’t surprise me…I think he was incapable of missing that appointment! (Sort of a joke, sort of not…)
I remember how *tremendously* Dad wanted to be home. The day he originally thought treatment was done and he was headed home…he was suffering that week, but the excitement peeked through. He wanted to golf. He wanted to spend time with his North Carolina family, and wanted to be of service here at Cross Creek. He thought very highly of this place. Thank you for loving him and welcoming him and my mom when they moved to town and for your wonderful support these past weeks. We are so grateful.
I remember how, from the first day of his diagnosis, Dad wanted to move forward boldly, and without pity. He wanted to let everyone know that his life was in God’s hands, and he wanted to live by faith. What a gift to all of us, to have let us know that he had God’s peace, and to have encouraged our own faith in the process. As always, I feel that he provided for us now by how he handled his journey then. I’m so thankful for God’s work in him.
Finally, I remember that my Dad was not perfect, that we frustrated each other plenty, and each made more than our share of mistakes…I don’t mean to paint a strictly rosy life. But by God’s grace in his life, I must say that my Dad always forgave me in the same way he’d been forgiven, and kept on loving through *my* faults…an example I will continue to learn from for a long time to come.
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