My fantastic mom is visiting.
Reuel is a wonderful share-the-labors husband.
Result?
Mommy-cation!!!!
My first 2 nights away from both kids, and it was such a wonderful break! Best of all? I got to see the big city with NYC veteran and fab friend Megan!!! Headed down Saturday morning and stayed at her apt. in Brooklyn. I don't know if I could love the city life on a long-term basis, but it was temporarily tantalizing to this suburban hoodie-and-sneakers wearin' momma. The food might do me in...fresh bagels, Little Italy cannoli, brioche-encased egg covered in perfect melted cheddar brunch, Chinatown dim sum, killer Vietnamese sandwiches 2 steps from Meg's front door, bubble tea, *GOOD* sushi (mmm, spicy crunch tuna), fresh well-roasted coffee and a choc chip hazelnut and rosemary cookie to top off. Good thing we did some walking, though I think I'm going to hop on the treadmill tonight to get back to my pre-vacation discipline. The population density juxtaposed with small spaces always surprises. I feel quite crunched in Boston compared to the midwest, but we have elbow room to spare compared to the real cityfolk. It is just shocking how many people can pile into the tiny foyer entrance of a <500 square foot restaurant and wait 30 or even 60 minutes for one of 30 or 40 seats to open up. I was also surprised by just how friendly the folk seemed...guess I'm more used to the New England cold shoulder than I realized. Among other diversions we karaoke'd (well, I'm a chicken but Megan of course blew them away ;), got pedicures, and Chinatown shiatsu massages $20 for a 30 minute session. Wow. Let's just say I'm glad I got a woman masseuse because she was strong enough...yeowch!! Some of the time it was crazy intense, but mostly nice. Dim sum with throngs of Chinese people around big tables is always fun, and the food was good. Stay away from the little custard tarts that look like yummy dessert for the end of your meal though...scrambled egg flavor is not great when you were hoping for vanilla and sugar. Chinese desserts always do that to me. Red bean paste is another sneaky decoy that's gotten me in the past.
Finally, an unrelated observation. I think one of the things that makes us (or indicates that we are) singularly human must be guilt and shame. This occurred to me as I was using my mom's GPS to navigate to Megan's place. Not having used one before, I was nervous to trust it. I had printed a google map of the route, and at one major fork in the road the GPS directed me differently than my map. I decided to defy the GPS, figuring it would just recalculate from the new route I'd chosen, which of course it did. What does it tell you about my upbringing and personality though, that as the GPS said , "Take exit so-and-so to interstate so-and-so" about 6 times in succession, I felt like I was breaking the law ignoring it, and I was getting seriously stressed out and had to really set my mind to disobey after the multiple warnings to comply!! The interesting thing, though, is that after going my own way and passing the recommended exit, I felt the surprising silence of having only defied a machine. I kept expecting to hear the robot-voice say, "You idiot. Why did you do that. Now you've done it," or "Great. Now we're going to get stuck in a traffic jam. If you'd only listened to me." Well, computers don't rub it in. I kept disobeying and the little box just forgave and recalculated every time. It was a kind of therapy! I think we need to do that more for each other. Sad that we have the automatic impulse to expect condemnation and blame from even an electronic voice, don't you think? That sort of after-the-fact rub-in doesn't do much good, especially thinking of parenting. Some empathy over the results of the mistake probably aids my kids' learning more than trying to make them feel bad over it. Maybe this doesn't make sense to anybody but me. Wouldn't be the first time...don't call me an idiot, please!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
This day in history
Asher learned to pronounce the word no with precision and accuracy. Memo to his 18-month-old highness: Effective immediately, all former whines, screams and expressions of distaste will now be replaced with whiny, screamy, expressive interpretations of 'NO!'.
Owen sat in the bathtub tonight and said completely spontaneously: "I'm so, so cute. Sometimes I just want to squeeeeze myself." [Editor's note: which of the mortal sins is vanity? #1 or #2?]
Asher was in the worst mood today...as if something physical was bothering him...but it was beyond me what it might be. Later I discovered that he had wolfed a large portion of a bag of dried cherries that I keep in my bag for emergency distraction needs. The diaper blowout at 6pm finally clued me in. Poor guy probably had a pretty sore tummy all day.
I think I learned something about Owen today. It's sort of obvious, and yet I often overlook it as a factor when I'm trying to figure this kid out. He wants to be a GROWN-UP...desperately. It is his prime directive. I suppose that is a typical first child thing. One of the things I struggle with is that he will acquire a grumpy, defiant attitude waaaay more quickly and waaaay more often than I think is healthy, and I start to worry and imagine 10 years into the future how destructive and horrible this will be in teenagerhood. I wrestle with him and myself daily trying to make progress on attitude; never really understanding his motivations and what's going on inside him. Here's today's scenario. We were at music class this morning, and Owen LOVES listening to the music in the car, is always super-excited to go to the class, thinks the world of the teacher, etc. etc. But despite the pre-class hype, often when the class starts up he clams up, gets a grumpy attitude, and gets kind of non-participatory. If I try to include him, he snubs me and gets too cool for school. He gets very adolescent basically. Here am I the mommy, NOT UNDERSTANDING what this is all about. He loves participating, playing and joining in half the time, and then the other (unpredictable) half the time, he's a grump. I vacillate between ignoring the moodiness and goading him into participating, thinking that a 3.5 yr old does needs to know it is not acceptable to have an attitude like this (and is it ever, really, even as a teenager?). Back to the story...one of the times he's grumpiest is during the 'lap sit' songs where we bounce and swing the kids to the music, etc. He won't let me touch him and looks at the floor. Today an idea hit me. I handed Asher to Owen, and asked Owen to do the bouncing. Asher complied happily enough. Owen LIT UP. His chest puffed visibly, and he sang along, bounced, kissed Asher on the face, tried to make him laugh, the works. For the rest of the class he was a different kid, and went around helping the teacher put things away, get things out, and was just a million bucks. I suddenly got it...dumb mommy. Owen does not feel like a little kid inside and really resents being treated like one. He wants to be an adult, and most of the attitude revolves around the authority issue...he feels a bit wise in his own eyes for the ripe old age of 3.5. Treat him like an adult, and voila, you have a very happy kid on your hands. It was an eye-opener for me...this is obvious stuff, isn't it.
Well, now that I'm finally getting it, I'm still confused about how one approaches the issues. I philosophically think it's pretty darn important that he not seem too wise in his own eyes and that he rest comfortably and happily in his place as child under the loving authority of his parents. At the same time, I want to parent him in a way that doesn't exasperate him, and uses his desire for independence as a springboard to true healthy actual independence. So is this wise-in-his-own-eyes-ness something that we need to try to eliminate...put our feet down and over and over again let him experience that he's NOT an adult, and try to bring him back down to size? (That sounds harsh, just exaggerating the point in order to make it.) Or is appropriate to encourage his feeling of power while still enforcing the limits...he *is* a kid, so is there harm in letting him think he's 'all that' as long as we're not letting him run wild? e.g., do I alleviate the attitude by doing things like letting him play the grown-up role in the class today...or do I rather find a way to insist that he participate cheerfully as a child like everybody else? Obedience seems to be inversely correlated with his perception of his own grown-up-ness, I must say. But I find the tension of knowing how much to challenge and how much to indulge his sense of himself VERY CONFUSING. I would like this to be black and white. It probably isn't.
Well, I hope other parents have this figured out or there are a whole lot of people in this world not knowing a lick about how to rear a child!!
Owen sat in the bathtub tonight and said completely spontaneously: "I'm so, so cute. Sometimes I just want to squeeeeze myself." [Editor's note: which of the mortal sins is vanity? #1 or #2?]
Asher was in the worst mood today...as if something physical was bothering him...but it was beyond me what it might be. Later I discovered that he had wolfed a large portion of a bag of dried cherries that I keep in my bag for emergency distraction needs. The diaper blowout at 6pm finally clued me in. Poor guy probably had a pretty sore tummy all day.
I think I learned something about Owen today. It's sort of obvious, and yet I often overlook it as a factor when I'm trying to figure this kid out. He wants to be a GROWN-UP...desperately. It is his prime directive. I suppose that is a typical first child thing. One of the things I struggle with is that he will acquire a grumpy, defiant attitude waaaay more quickly and waaaay more often than I think is healthy, and I start to worry and imagine 10 years into the future how destructive and horrible this will be in teenagerhood. I wrestle with him and myself daily trying to make progress on attitude; never really understanding his motivations and what's going on inside him. Here's today's scenario. We were at music class this morning, and Owen LOVES listening to the music in the car, is always super-excited to go to the class, thinks the world of the teacher, etc. etc. But despite the pre-class hype, often when the class starts up he clams up, gets a grumpy attitude, and gets kind of non-participatory. If I try to include him, he snubs me and gets too cool for school. He gets very adolescent basically. Here am I the mommy, NOT UNDERSTANDING what this is all about. He loves participating, playing and joining in half the time, and then the other (unpredictable) half the time, he's a grump. I vacillate between ignoring the moodiness and goading him into participating, thinking that a 3.5 yr old does needs to know it is not acceptable to have an attitude like this (and is it ever, really, even as a teenager?). Back to the story...one of the times he's grumpiest is during the 'lap sit' songs where we bounce and swing the kids to the music, etc. He won't let me touch him and looks at the floor. Today an idea hit me. I handed Asher to Owen, and asked Owen to do the bouncing. Asher complied happily enough. Owen LIT UP. His chest puffed visibly, and he sang along, bounced, kissed Asher on the face, tried to make him laugh, the works. For the rest of the class he was a different kid, and went around helping the teacher put things away, get things out, and was just a million bucks. I suddenly got it...dumb mommy. Owen does not feel like a little kid inside and really resents being treated like one. He wants to be an adult, and most of the attitude revolves around the authority issue...he feels a bit wise in his own eyes for the ripe old age of 3.5. Treat him like an adult, and voila, you have a very happy kid on your hands. It was an eye-opener for me...this is obvious stuff, isn't it.
Well, now that I'm finally getting it, I'm still confused about how one approaches the issues. I philosophically think it's pretty darn important that he not seem too wise in his own eyes and that he rest comfortably and happily in his place as child under the loving authority of his parents. At the same time, I want to parent him in a way that doesn't exasperate him, and uses his desire for independence as a springboard to true healthy actual independence. So is this wise-in-his-own-eyes-ness something that we need to try to eliminate...put our feet down and over and over again let him experience that he's NOT an adult, and try to bring him back down to size? (That sounds harsh, just exaggerating the point in order to make it.) Or is appropriate to encourage his feeling of power while still enforcing the limits...he *is* a kid, so is there harm in letting him think he's 'all that' as long as we're not letting him run wild? e.g., do I alleviate the attitude by doing things like letting him play the grown-up role in the class today...or do I rather find a way to insist that he participate cheerfully as a child like everybody else? Obedience seems to be inversely correlated with his perception of his own grown-up-ness, I must say. But I find the tension of knowing how much to challenge and how much to indulge his sense of himself VERY CONFUSING. I would like this to be black and white. It probably isn't.
Well, I hope other parents have this figured out or there are a whole lot of people in this world not knowing a lick about how to rear a child!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
More movies
Reuel posted a couple of videos. If you only have time or patience for one, watch the 2nd one ;)
Here's some front yard sledding...
Video: http://vimeo.com/19910613
And here's hip hop Asher...
Video: http://vimeo.com/19910669
Here's some front yard sledding...
Video: http://vimeo.com/19910613
And here's hip hop Asher...
Video: http://vimeo.com/19910669
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Bill
I desperately need some sleep but I'm laying in bed restless because a friend of ours from our church small group is very near to meeting Jesus tonight, if not already gone from us, and he's heavy on my mind. He has been physically suffering with cancer for a long time, and he is brave and as prepared as possible, but I'm not feeling ready to say another goodbye at all. Bill is a remarkable person, and it has been a *privilege* to know him for the months we have had together and to share some of life with him. Please pray for him, his wife and their 3 college/grad school aged kids as they walk this path.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
owensong
Video: http://vimeo.com/19774772
I'm not sure I've seen a much more forced-looking concert. Actually, it wasn't forced and Owen was having a rolicking good time of an afternoon sing with me while Asher was napping. I'm so sorry about the guitar playing. Stay tuned to the end for the reappearance of the Asher leitmotif.
I'm not sure I've seen a much more forced-looking concert. Actually, it wasn't forced and Owen was having a rolicking good time of an afternoon sing with me while Asher was napping. I'm so sorry about the guitar playing. Stay tuned to the end for the reappearance of the Asher leitmotif.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
