Oh, we are getting so close now! Just a week from tomorrow morning I will be under the knife, yikes. I really, really don't want a c-section. But I'm trying to decide to be at peace with it so I can just enjoy what is enjoyable and not stew over the parts that aren't. Being me, that's a challenge. There are big storms predicted for tomorrow and after...maybe I'll go into labor and have the baby in the car. Wait, that doesn't sound great either ;)

Owen is ALL OVER the baby chatter around here. I'm not sure at this point if he really is thinking about a human being when he insists on lifting up my shirt and caressing my hyper-stretch-marked tum, or if he has somehow developed an absurd crush on the abdomen itself. Either way, he is very sweet, and he is the ONLY person I can tolerate such a crush from. I'm at the point where even if Reuel tries to complement my appearance in any way (kind husband that he is), it takes discipline for me not to roll my eyes and say give me a break.

We have been overusing the same handful of movies that Owen watches while I take a shower in the morning, and I happened to see a DVD on sale for 3.99 at TJMaxx so I picked it up. It's a Sesame Street production about a new baby being added to the Three Bears family. It is mildly annoying, but not too bad. Owen loves it. We were watching a bit of it today after naptime, and I left Owen alone for a bit with the excuse that I needed a bathroom break...which was true, but then I stayed away a bit longer for an email check and a cold drink, too. Suddenly, my ears tuned into whimpering from the living room. Owen was sitting on the couch muttering, 'Mommy, mommy. Baby curly bear. Baby curly bear. Mommy.' Now normally I would have thought that he was being whiny about me not being right by his side...and that was definitely part of what got him sad today. But he was not being whiny at all, he was genuinely sad! I don't think I've ever seen him truly *sad*. The movie was right at the scene where the new baby bear (aka curly bear) is born at the hospital, and I think he was suddenly unsettled by his mom being away, and this point in the plot, which has been talked about at length around here lately. I sat down next to him and he cuddled right up in my arms and just wanted to keep watching while he hugged me...not the most usual posture for my feisty boy, for longer than a few seconds at a time anyway. He was so tender and lovable...and I am feeling so guilty that we're about to inflict such a difficult transition on him! I know, I know, it will be better in the long term, but it's hard to see the little man sad in the now. Sniff.

Got Owen into a neighbor's pool a few days ago kicking and screaming (it's a new venue! oh no!), and within minutes he was hooked. Then we had the tantrums when we had to leave. That was one of the four total days of summer above 75 degrees that I think we've had this year.

Plenty else has been happening between trying to do some fun things together before life gets a little rough again for a while, trying to organize/clean, and Reuel getting his typical last-minute realization that there is a deadline approaching and he would like to get a few things done. But as usual I am up too late so I had best try to sleep. Not that there is much good sleeping going on between the 3 trips a night to the bathroom and the dreams about giving birth to anything from a 12 pound baby to a fishy, swimming, angelic-like creature. At least I'm not deeply asleep enough to take these dreams seriously. It's strange, with Owen I was sleeping so solidly and soundly right up to the first labor pain, like 10 hours a night. This time might be different because I am staying up too late trying to milk my last weeks of freedom for a while... :)

Here are some cutie pie pictures of Owen from the camera backlog. At the end are some in the traditional Thai clothing that Aunt Deb brought back from her vacation last year...

Ok, just to fully purge my mind of this topic. Then I can get back to life.

How's a person supposed to know what to do. I read this seemingly highly applicable and resonating excerpt last night before bed from a book called, 'The Challenging Child, Understanding, Raising, and Enjoying the Five "Difficult" Types of Children" by leading child psychiatrist Stanley Greenspan.

The Defiant Child

Behavior
The defiant child can be negative, stubborn, controlling. He often does the opposite of what is expected or asked of him. He faces difficulty with transitions and prefers repetition or slow change. He tends to be a perfections and compulsive. As an infant, this child may be fussy, difficult, and resistant to changes in routine. As a toddler, when negative behavior is common to all children, he may be even more angry, defiant, and stubborn than most children his age. This child, however, can show joyful exuberance at certain times. A defiant older child or adult may be argumentative and frequently engage in power struggles. He may use passive defiance as a coping strategy or he may try to avoid difficult situations. In contrast to the fearful, cautious person, he doesn't become fragmented when overwhelmed, but reacts instead by trying to control his world as tightly as possible. When moderated, this child's perfectionism and boldness may well help him as a student or in later work.

Physical Makeup
The defiant child may have many of the same sensitivities to touch, sound, sight, and motion as the highly sensitive child. But, unlike the highly sensitive child, the defiant child tends to have relatively better 'visual-spatial' abilities. That is, he can organize in his mind what he sees and hears better than many other children. HE uses this strong ability to ehlp keep himself from getting overwhelmed by what he is experiencing. This means that he becomes very controlling about his environment, hence, his demanding, stubborn behavior.

How Parents Respond
It is tempting to respond to the defiant child by becoming angry, instrusive, and punitive. While this is an understandable response to infuriating behavior, it is likely to intensify the defiant child's behavior. Caregiver patterns that are soothing, empathetic, and supportive of slow, gradual change (and that avoid power struggles) tend to enhance the defiant child's flexibility.

Then today I read this about strong-willed children from Dr. Dobson:

A child's attitude toward parental authority is [like the window in which the brain can learn speech]. He passes through a brief window of opportunity during late infancy and toddlerhood whne respect and 'awe' can be instilled. But that pliability will not last long. If his early reach for power is successful, he will not willingly give it up--ever. The tougher the temperament of the child, the more critical it is to 'shape his will' early in life.

...You must be prepared to deliver on the promise [of discipline], because he will continue to challenge you until it ceases to be fun. That's the way he is made. If that response never comes, his insults [toward his parents] will probably become more pronounced, ending in adolescent nightmares. Appeasement for a strong-willed child is an invitation to warfare. Never forget this fact: the classic strong-willed child craves power from his toddler years and even earlier. Since Mom is the nearest adult who is holding the reins, he will hack away at her until she lets him drive his own buggy.

Well, hopefully I am not crazy in seeing a conflict between these stances. I hate this feeling that choosing a wrong fork in the road will lead to certain demise. This is why I have avoided reading parenting books, because I get so agitated. Thanks for your comment yesterday, Deb, I think you hit the nail on the head ;)

Now I've laid bare my deep motherly anxieties. Blogging is a curious phenomenon...the things I will publish to the world...!

I have a difficult-temperament child. He is finicky and grumpy so often during a day! He is also sweet and adorable quite often. He seems to ride the extremes. What is the next baby going to be like? I am on the edge of my seat...so curious.

Last night was TERRIBLE. It seems to go like this...one thing sets Owen off and gets him in a bit of a bad temper, and he responds by demanding something a certain way. If we don't appease him (whether giving in or more often distracting him somehow), a meltdown ensues that goes nowhere good, and harmony is never really recovered. We're really not sure what the right thing to do is in these situations. I mean, once he starts melting down, he becomes so completely emotionally chaotic that he starts to become a threat to himself...even Reuel--the firmer of the two of us--doesn't think it seems realistic to leave him alone when he gets so crazy out of control--but staying with him doesn't ever really calm him down either, spankings just escalate the matter, and we certainly don't walk away from such episodes feeling that we've 'put our foot down' and that Owen now 'knows who's boss.' It just seems like we've all fallen into an emotional quicksand trap that will suck us down faster the more we all flail around, but will suck us down just the same but a little slower if we sit still.

For my own memory, a quick summary. Owen is in a 'no-daddy' phase. This is disrepectful, willful behavior on his part; very intentional and ugly. But, we also think it has the feel of one of those things that when we pay it too much attention, it becomes even more enticing to him to rattle our cages by doing it more. So, since he actually has a very fine relationship with Reuel other than these verbal assaults, and occasional refusals to accept care from Reuel, we make it a policy to either ignore him and change the subject, or we calmly tell him that it's rude, it's disrespectful and we love Daddy and appreciate having him around. More often than not I can tell he's testing me to see how I'll respond when he says 'no daddy! no daddy!'

Well, last night after his bath he wasn't just testing; he meant it and he started pushing Reuel away. Reuel ignored him and started giving him zerberts, which can often get him laughing and change the mood. This time, not so much. Rather, he *really* didn't want Reuel in his space, and as Reuel pushed him, the madder and more violated he felt, and he got irritated. Reuel stopped, but by then Owen had decided to really misbehave, and started hitting Reuel and making various other bad choices, tantruming, throwing things, screaming about getting dressed, etc.. So what does one do? If I step in and take over, Owen gets what he wants and Mommy becomes the rescuer and Daddy is the bad guy. Even if Reuel shouldn't have pushed him (which was not much pushing, let me tell ya!), he was reacting very poorly. So with an exchange of looks we decided Owen would not get his way, Daddy would keep going with the bedtime routine, and if Owen chose to meltdown, it would be a learning opportunity about who's in charge. Hmm. 30 minutes later, he is still beside himself and hoarse from screaming. Reuel finally gets him a bit calm in the other room, but when he brings him back to the nursery to finish our routine and go to bed, every little thing completely sets him off again. Long saga short, lacking alternatives, we eventually put him in the crib and leave, knowing there is a high likelihood of him launching himself out of the crib, but realizing we have to take the chance. He tantrumed for another good long while and eventually crashed to sleep. This may still sound pretty normal to the seasoned parents. This is the part that amazes me...45 minutes later, he wakes up, remembers the mood he had upon falling asleep and decides to resume the tantrum for 20 mins or so. Another couple hours later, another 20 minutes of tantrum, not as intense, just whining and crying. I watched him very carefully on the monitor to see if something was wrong...nope, very clearly resuming what he left off when he got too tired to continue. After midnight, he slept through til morning just fine. Do normal children resume tantrums throughout the night? This is not the first occurrence.

This kind of thing could/would happen EVERY DAY if I were not constantly creatively bypassing the opportunities for deep meltdowns. So, I constantly feel like I'm giving him too much control and exacerbating his demandingness. But, because his tantrums are so extreme and so easily triggered, it is really darn difficult to know whether it is doing any good to go through them. Like I said, I really don't know that he 'learned' anything from last night...I don't think I did, and here I am with the capability of overanalyzing it. Should we be allowing more of them so that we are standing our ground more often? Will that make him more compliant? Or are we smart parents to find a road to peace by finding ways around them more often than not? Honestly, he seems most flexible about following our rules when he also senses that we will give him his wishes too. This conversation in my head every day is maddening. I just know I CANNOT do those kind of tantrums every day. If I had a clear manual for what to do when they happen, I could do it. But they are so confusing! If I lock him in his room, he will definitely either hurt himself, or start destroying the things in his room. Then, am I supposed to ignore that behavior, or hasn't the ante just been raised? Spanking during a tantrum just gets him more disorganized and unable to calm. Yikes. I can handle the manipulative tantrums just fine...the ones that he could shut off in an instant. Easy! It's these scary whole-hog ones.

I hope I just sound like an ignorant and overly worried first-time parent. Because the other alternative in my head is that I have a really abnormal, excessively difficult child who is going to have long-term problems if we don't find more effective ways of handling his behavior. Parenting is just so stressful sometimes because you love the little person so very, very much you want to make sure you're doing the very best job for them that you can. Sigh.

We had a 'vacation' weekend...Reuel took off work on Friday and we went to Crane Beach. It was PERFECT. Owen wanted NO part of the water, but of course loved the sand, and the picnic lunch. It was the first day of summer I think we've had this year! Saturday we went to Franklin Park Zoo in the morning, and this morning was church. Playing with the hose, and outside with daddy occupied the afternoons. It was nice to have a weekend of all fun together before baby brother comes to stay.

Two fun stories that come to mind from this week/weekend:

Owen asks for 'more wind' sometimes when we're in the car. This means he wants the window rolled down so that the wind will blow through his hair. He giggles and thinks it's great fun, then when he's had enough he starts hooting, 'nuff wind! no more wind! bye bye wind!'

Today I heard and saw Owen praying in his crib before his nap! No kidding. I think they must have prayed together in his nursery class and he was doing some reenacting once we got home (of course we pray with him too but it's never induced such a response!). He had his little hands folded together and was saying, 'Deaw Got. Thank you fo sushine. Thank you. Thank you fo watew fwom sky! Thank you fo food. Thank you Got.' Talk about a heart-melter.

Went on a lovely playdate with Sara, Nathan, Abigail and Jeanette and Hannah last week at the Museum of Science. Jeanette was smart enough to have packed a camera and caught a few shots of the kiddos in the 'critter cam' exhibit having fun on the lifesize turtle. Owen sees a camera and says cheeeeeese rather dramatically.

Crib chatter:

[With a lilt (not really singing) to voice]
Hey diddew diddew
Cat an fiddew
Hey diddew diddew
Cow jump ovew a moon
Dog laugh
Hey diddew diddew

Haircut!





New videos!

Riding trike: http://vimeo.com/5431493

Fishing in the yard: http://vimeo.com/5432014

Fwosting!: http://vimeo.com/5431946

Happy Birthday: http://vimeo.com/5431832

Fireman Hat: http://www.vimeo.com/5432642